The Voyager Show!
by TheMagicThatIsKath
Summary: Enjoy a simple fun interview of your favorite Star Trek: Voyager characters. What are they really like behind the scenes? Any questions for the next guest, just leave a review. Chapter four is up! Good ole Paris!
1. Chapter One: Janeway!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Voyager characters. You should know that Paramount Pictures does, and that this is a simple mockery of them. Well not totally, I'm just having a little fun. Please note that this is a spin- off type show from The Charmed Show!! by my friend Katie. Please just take this all in fun, nothing is meant to be serious. Thank you and enjoy the show!  
  
Kath: So you're telling me that Bob said that Jenny told him that Eric said he would like Jane to say she wants to kill Mary for saying she loves Mark??  
  
Katie: Yes... I think...  
  
Audience: O_o....  
  
Kath: Oh right... the show... right, right...  
  
Katie: Righto!  
  
Kath: Rightie!  
  
Katie: That's not a word...  
  
Kath: Neither is righto, but you don't hear me complaining.  
  
Big Guy: *comes over and taps Kath's shoulder* *whispers something*  
  
Kath: Oh right... the show...  
  
*Big doors open and two very muscular men come out dragging Janeway*  
  
Katie: Welcome to the Voyager Show!!!  
  
Kath: New and improved with 3 exclamation marks!  
  
Janeway: Can't I just stay with the two very muscular men? And isn't Voyager technically my show? Where is your copyright law? Why am even here?  
  
Kath: Wow, you are one angry chick.  
  
Katie: Would you like some coffee?  
  
Janeway: Oh my God, NO!  
  
Kath: But don't you just LOVE coffee?  
  
Katie: I DO!!  
  
Kath: Not you, you twit!  
  
Katie: Oh.  
  
Janeway: I am forced to drink like 10 cups of coffee a day just to keep my brain... wait a second... aren't I supposed to be in the Delta Quadrant?? Kath: Right. about that. you see we've kidnap- we've borrowed you temporarily to do a quick little interview.  
  
Katie: Yeah, borrowed you...  
  
Janeway: ... Oh, I see.  
  
Audience member: They lie!  
  
Katie: Guards! Shoot him!  
  
Rest of Audience: Uh... Yay truth tellers!  
  
Kath: That's more like it. Now moving along anyways...  
  
Katie: I though we were supposed to be interviewing the cast of Charmed... (A/N: The Charmed Show!! by Katie)  
  
Janeway: Charmed?  
  
Kath: Oh my, gosh... this is SO not moving on... this is like... a step backwards. *Whacks Katie with a feather duster*  
  
Katie: *grabs feather duster* Okay then Kath, time for your medicine... *Anger Management Man comes in and whacks Kath over the head with an inflatable baseball bat*  
  
Kath: Aaahhh!! Noooo!!  
  
Janeway: Oh my God, you're demented humanoid aliens!  
  
Katie: So we're told, but onto that interview. Tell me Old Wise Janeway, what is it really like in the Delta Quadrant?  
  
Kath: Did you just say-  
  
Janeway: OLD? How dare you!  
  
Kath: Is there a gas leak in here?  
  
Janeway: I'll kill you both after this... ordeal... but the Delta Quadrant, right. *Counter pops out of nowhere with the word 'Right and its Various Forms' and underneath it the number 7 that flips to 8 with a ding*  
  
Katie: Whoa, where did that come from?  
  
Kath: Just let her answer for the love of all that is urple!  
  
Janeway: Urple?  
  
Katie: The Delta Quadrant!!  
  
Janeway: Oh right... *8 turns to 9 with a ding* The Delta Quadrant isn't so bad really. It's really nice and cozy until you hit an alien road bump or something along those lines. Planets, natural anomalies, asteroids, but mostly aliens, you know?  
  
Kath: No, but okay! Next question! How did you truly feel that one time that Tuvok got a phaser and pointed it straight at you just to show he was loyal to the Maquis, but then it shorted out just as he pulled the trigger on you??  
  
Katie: And I thought I liked coffee...  
  
Janeway: Well I was extremely disheartened and indeed very hurt, but we made up over a nice Jabalian Blue Fudge Cake.  
  
Katie: A WHOLE cake?  
  
Janeway: Are you saying I'm fat now??  
  
Katie: ... noooo, of course not... that would be very bad right now...  
  
Kath: Indeed.  
  
Katie: NEXT QUESTION!!  
  
Janeway: Wow, you are quite a loud one. Are you saying I'm deaf???  
  
Katie: NO!  
  
Kath: She's just being loud and obnoxious. Nothing unusual.  
  
Katie: That really hurt. I'm going to hurt you after this is all over.  
  
Kath: Uh... okay?  
  
Katie: So, Janeway. Tell me this. Why did you ever let Chakotay get away with that stupid Borg drone in the end? It seems that one time that you were forced to abandon ship because of some weird contagious virus showed that he really liked you by building you that bathtub. Oh, and if you were on an abandoned planet and going to supposedly die in the end, why in the heck were you bathing anyways?  
  
Janeway: Well Chakotay and I did have our fun behind the curtains, but it was nothing serious. A few private conference dinners when I would burn the roast. I really liked him, but he seemed to be the more blonde-bimbo-metal- chick-loving kinda guy. The reason I bathed was because I do keep my morals, and smelling is definitely against them.  
  
Kath: You have morals against smelling? You really have way too many rules, regulations and protocols you know?  
  
Janeway: Yes. Yes I do.  
  
Kath: That's... nice.  
  
Janeway: Really, it is rather nice.  
  
Katie: Okay, this is getting really, really, really informal.  
  
Kath: Really, really?  
  
Katie: Really, really.  
  
Kath: Wait... is this EVER a formal show?  
  
Katie: Yes!.... wait... noooo...  
  
Janeway: Can I please leave now? I really should be getting back to the Delta Quadrant to do some more exploring, discovering, helping-lost-people- including-myself-get-home, and such.  
  
Kath: One last question. Will Harry ever be promoted to Lieutenant? *Behind curtain Harry gives a thumbs up*  
  
Janeway: Did he tell you to ask that?  
  
Kath: Uh... no?  
  
Janeway: Well to be honest, he has been a very good little doggie, but we've simply... run out of pips.  
  
Katie: Right... *9 dings to 10*  
  
Kath: Well there was that time that you promoted Tom back to Lieutenant. You know, after demoting him to Ensign, and then the little box on his seat thing. Plus, wouldn't you just go replicate it?  
  
Janeway: ... heh...  
  
Kath: I thought so...  
  
Janeway: *eyes combadge* How long has that been there?  
  
Katie: The whole show?  
  
Janeway: *whacks hand on forehead* NOW you tell me. *taps combadge* Janeway to Voyager. One to beam up. *nothing happens* Ehem, Janeway to Voyager! ONE TO BEAM UP. NOW.  
  
Kath: Oh you see, there happens to be a dampening field-like thing around the tree hou-studio.  
  
Janeway: Were you going to say tree house?  
  
Kath: Nooooooo... of course not.  
  
Janeway: Right. *10 dings to 11*  
  
Kath: Well that seems like all the time we have.  
  
Katie: Aww! I liked this interview.  
  
Janeway: What? Did you say I was old again??? Pencils down!!! *jumps out of seat and leaps on Katie with the inflatable bat that was left lying around*  
  
Katie: AHHHH!!!  
  
Kath: I think this show is now going to be shown on Pay-Per-View. But until next time, we're out of here. *jumps on fighting mass and tries to peel Janeway off of Katie* *whole audience comes down and tackles all* Well that certainly wasn't in the original plan.  
  
Hot dog man: Hot dogs! Hot dogs! 50 cents! *whole audience charges towards hot dog man* AHHHHH!!!!  
  
Janeway: *sits up* I doubt we've seen the last of them. 


	2. Chapter Two: Chakotay!

Okay, got a few pre-show thank yous to hand out here. NABELLETHEY, Zeerawolfstar, Guardian Dimension, and CaptainKJ – thanks for the great comments on chapter one! They are gratefully appreciated. If anyone would like, you can submit questions. The next chapter is going to be B'Elanna, so start sending. Oh and always comments are appreciated, as well as flames... though flames are not gratefully appreciated... Anyways! On with the show!

****

**Kath**: Okay, today we're going to start the show off on the right -11 dings to 12- ... foot. -Grabs hammer and busts the 'Right and its Various Forms' counter board-

**Katie**: Do we need to take your medicine again?

**Kath**: NO!... I'm fine. See? -Grins insanely- -through smile- Fine. All fine.

**Katie**: That's just creepy.

**Kath**: -through smile- Just introduce today's guest.

**Katie**: Oh right. -Familiar dinging noise comes from nowhere- Where is that coming from now?

**Kath**: That's right ding today's guest is Commander Chakotay! The Maquis leader gone Starfleet. -Big huge doors open with two muscular men dragging Chakotay in-

**Katie**: Why do they always have to be dragged in? Why can't they just come willingly and get it over with?

**Kath**: -shrugs- Who knows? Welcome to –

**Katie**: The Voyager Show!!! New and improved with—

**Kath**: Three exclamation—

**Katie**: MARKS!

**Kath**: -glares- I'll get you for that.

**Katie**: FIRST QUESTION!

**Kath**: Well aren't we in a hurry today? Usually we let him know stuff. -Realizes Chakotay hasn't said anything since after being dragged in- Uh... Chakotay?

**Chakotay**: Akoochimooya...

**Kath & Katie**: AHHHHH!! -Smacks Chakotay repeatedly with inflatable bats-

**Chakotay**: -doesn't flinch- I am far from my ancestor's bones.

**Kath**: Actually you might be a lot closer than you think...

**Katie**: -nods in agreement- You see, Commander, we've kid—borrowed you temporarily from the Delta Quadrant and you're currently in the Alpha Quadrant... I think...

**Chakotay**: -opens one eye- Really?

**Kath**: Uh... no. We lied. You're... uh... dead. Sorry 'bout that.

**Chakotay**: -opens both eyes- -gasps- Really??

**Katie**: No, no, no! You're alive, and you're in the Alpha Quadrant.

**Chakotay**: -gasps- Really??

**Kath**: I understand why Janeway hates you so much at times...

**Chakotay**: You know Captain Janeway?

**Katie**: -crosses arms and looks cross- You could say we're old friends...

**Janeway**: -Backstage- Did she say I was old?? LEMME AT HER!!

**Katie**: -girly scream- Oh my god, who let her lose?

**Chakotay**: -cringes sheepishly- I sure as heck didn't.

**Kath**: We'll get security on it, big guy. Now, about that first question...

**Katie**: Oh right -ding- ANYWAYS, Chakotay, tell us this: Do you really love Seven of Nine or are you just trying to make Harry jealous?

**Chakotay**: Well she's too insane for me. I put on a nice face and eat lunch with her, but truthfully she's quite scary. She scans too much, and that one time where she made me her holographic boyfriend still creeps me out.

**Kath**: That makes two of us.

**Chakotay**: But was nice to think she thought of me in that manner, considering so many guys were giving me a rough time at Sandrine's after I broke it off with her.

**Katie**: Ugh guys... such egotistical fools.

**Kath**: Wow, such vocabulary.

**Katie**: -hides dictionary- I know.

**Kath**: Okay, next question. Was there any potential between you and Janeway? To be honest, I thought I saw several sparks between you two.

**Chakotay**: Well, yes. That was about the first 6 years of the trip though. The last year was Seven. Janeway and I were quite the command team if I do say so myself, but she was just too... protocol for my liking.

**Katie**: It took you 6 years to realize that?

**Chakotay**: No. I saw the interview of you two and Janeway the other day, and you spoke of our relationship when we were left to die of that virus on that one planet... uh... New Earth.

**Kath**: You saw our show?

**Katie**: Wow, we can broadcast pretty far now from the tree hou—studio.

**Chakotay**: Anyways, we did have our little fun down on that planet. I got to see the real Janeway. Oh yeah, it was nice... -drifts off in memory-

**Katie**: OKAY!! -Chakotay snaps out of it-

**Kath**: That was just creepy...

**Katie**: Moving on to the second-to-last question: Why in the world would you give up so easily and go Starfleet when you could have just along your Maquis ways?

**Chakotay**: Well our ship was destroyed.

**Katie**: Oh. Right. -Ding- WHERE IS THAT COMING FROM??

**Chakotay**: -ignores Katie- And secondly, I was quite tired of being chased by Starfleet. So as the saying goes, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em."

**Kath**: Wow this interview is going much shorter than yesterday's. I guess it's because we don't have Janeway yelling at Katie for every insult she dishes out.

**Katie**: So true, so true.

**Chakotay**: Plus I'm not really here.

**Kath**: Uh... excuse me?

**Chakotay**: Yep, I'm not here.

**Katie**: ... Okay then, I think someone's been taking one too many hyposprays.

**Chakotay**: I'm actually in a trance and waiting for my spirit guide.

**Katie**: Uh huh.

**Kath**: Um... I hate to tell you this, but you're not in a trance.

**Chakotay**: Yes I am.

**Kath**: No you aren't.

**Chakotay**: Yesss...

**Kath**: Noooo...

**Chakotay**: Ye—

**Kath**: NO!

**Chakotay**: ...... Yesss...

**Katie**: -kicks Chakotay in the shins- You annoying pedantic drone.

**Chakotay**: AHH!! That stings! -Leaps up and down hollers in pain-

**Kath**: Okay, last question, and then we can chat some more. -Waits for Chakotay to stop leaping and hollering- Okay then… -looks at watch- You know for someone who I thought was kind of cute, you certainly are very melodramatic and annoying.

**Chakotay**: -sits down- You think I'm cute?

**Katie**: -groans- Ugh, seriously.

**Kath**: -blushes insanely red and hides behind card- LLLLLLLAAAASSSSSTTT QUESTION!!!

**Chakotay, Katie, Audience & Show Staff**: -cover ears-

**Kath**: Sorry about that... heh... -cast flirty smile at Chakotay-

**Katie**: Fine, if you're not going to ask it already...

**Kath**: I'm trying to but you keep interrupting!

**Katie**: I do not!

**Kath**: Do too!

**Katie**: Not!

**Kath**: Too!

**Chakotay**: Ladies!

**Kath & Katie**: YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!

**Chakotay**: -weakly- Okay...

**Kath**: Okay, on with this stinking last question...

**Audience**: FINALLY!

**Katie**: So Chuckles-

**Chakotay**: Did you just say Chuckles?

**Katie**: Yes. Yes I did. Problem? -growls-

**Chakotay**: -high pitched voice- No!

**Katie**: Anyways, CHUCKLES... is it true that the Captain's chair is more comfortable than your chair?

**Kath**: What?? That's not the last question? That's a stupid question!

**Katie**: You should know, you wrote it.

**Kath**: -gasp- I most certainly did -takes question card not---... shut up. Shut up, I don't want to hear it.

**Katie**: Aw, come on. Let me bask in your stupidity.

**Kath**: -pouts- I'd rather just get an interesting question and move on.

**Katie**: Fine, then we'll ask one of MY questions!

**Chakotay**: Do you guys have any food here? I'm starved.

**Katie**: No. No we don't. I suggest you be quiet or I'll eat you.

**Kath**: That's no lie.

**Chakotay**: You're a cannibal?

**Katie**: Did you just speak?

**Chakotay**: -twiddles fingers-

**Katie**: I thought so. Now, last question.

**Kath**: I've heard that before...

**Katie**: Do you really want to go back to the Alpha Quadrant? Because, you know, if you do ever get back here, you and the other Maquis will just be court marshaled and sent to prison like... forever.

**Kath**: True, true. I like your question. Chakotay?

**Chakotay**: -under fuzzy ducky blankie- ZzZzZzZz....

**Katie**: Who gave him that blankie??

**Kath**: -pokes Chakotay with pokey stick- WAAAKE UP!

**Chakotay**: I SWEAR I DIDN'T DRINK YOUR COFFEE!! -pants- Oh ... I'm still here?!?!****

**Katie**: Yes. Now, did you here the question? -rewinds tape- Do you really want to go back to the Alpha Quadrant? Because, you know, if you do ever get back here, you and the other Maquis will just be court marshaled and sent to prison like... forever.

**Chakotay**: Well you see, I'd figure by then we'd be acclaimed as heroes for traveling so far, and Janeway has sworn to give us a good word. I'm hoping that Starfleet will just let me write a few books on my life experiences while out here and move on with life.

**Katie**: Write a book? That is so ... I don't know... weird... cliché... among other things...

**Kath**: Well it looks like we made it through the interview without killing each other.

**Chakotay**: That's what you think! -deep music plays 'DUN DUN DUUNNN!!'- -pulls out phaser aims and fires- -nothing happens- Uh... what is up with that?

**Katie**: Mwhahahaha... yeah, your technology doesn't work here.

**Chakotay**: Oh. Right. -ding-

**Katie**: SERIOUSLY, WHERE IS THAT COMING FROM??

**Kath**: Medicine time! -grabs inflatable bat and whacks Katie repeatedly-

**Katie**: AHHHH!!!

**Chakotay**: -girly scream- AHHHH!!!

**Kath & Katie**: -Stop fighting- Why in the heck are you screaming for?

**Chakotay**: It's her! -Janeway storms out on stage-

**Janeway**: Chakotay, how dare you speak of our relationship on New Earth in that manner! You're going to pay now; I just had my 13th cup of coffee!

**Chakotay**: -whimpers-

**Katie**: Ah, another Pay-Per-View moment.

**Kath**: Well that's all we have for today. Tune in next time for B'Elanna Torres, which to say should be fun with that Klingon temper of hers. -curtains close-

**Audience**: Aww...

**One guy in Audience**: We wanna see the fight!

**Kath**: -peeks from behind curtains- It's nothing really.

**One lady in Audience**: Uh huh, whatever. Big tough guy getting beat up by little wimpy Captain.

**Janeway**: -storms out of curtains- BRING IT ON LADY!!

**Same lady in Audience**: -climbs over railing-

**Audience**: -Chants- JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

**Katie**: -comes out from behind curtain- Ah, come on guys. This is supposed to be rated PG.

**Kath**: Really? I thought it was PG-13.

**Katie**: -shrugs- Who really knows or cares anymore?

**Kath**: Until next time, I'm Kath.

**Katie**: And I'm Katie. Good Night America... and those watching this over subspace bands.


	3. Chapter Three: B'Elanna! AHH!

_Pre-show thank you goes out to NO ONE. Because all of you meanie readers left me NO new comments. How RUDE... Okay, enough bashing, because I'll never get a review again, so I should stop while I'm ahead. Disclaimer applies, yata yata. You know the drill._

Katie: O ie, o ah ah, ting tang, walla walla bing bang!

Kath: O ie, o ah ah ting tang walla walla bang bang!

Katie: Wow, the EMH's diagnosis karaoke CD IS fun...

Kath: Why did you ever doubt me?

Katie: Or better yet, why would I trust you?

Kath: True...

Very Muscular Man #1: Welcome to the Voyager Show!!! New and improved with three exclamation marks!

Kath: -glares- You are SO fired.

Very Muscular Man #1: -sulks out of room-

Katie: How sad... I always had a special place in my heart for very muscular man number one...

Kath: Ah well, I guess he could stay then... He is fun to play checkers with.

B'Elanna: -off set- Get OFF of me, you creepy bastard!

Katie: -gasp- I didn't know Tom Paris was here!

Kath: He isn't. -falls limp; snores-

Katie: Darn narcolepsy has hit her again...

-Short Awkward Silence-

Katie: Well since I'm on my own for the moment, let me introduce-

Kath: B'ELANNA TORRES!!

Katie: Whoa there tiger. Lay off the Easy Mac.

Kath: My Easy Mac, mine!! -growls and eats random bowl of EM-

Very muscular man #1 and #2 drag B'Elanna out onto the set.

B'Elanna: I said OFF!! -stamps VMM #1's toe, elbows #2 with loose arm, kicks #1 in the stomach and puts #2 in a headlock-

Katie & Kath: -utter horrified shock-

B'Elanna: -sits down sweetly- Good day.

Katie & Kath: -shock-

B'Elanna: What, do I have blood on my face?

Katie & Kath: ... AHHHHHHHHHH!!!

B'Elanna: You vaguely remind me of Chakotay when I joined the Maquis. He didn't seem to like my Cardassian head for a hat.

Katie: -whispers to Kath- Oh MY god!! We're going to die! I mean, one wrong question, and it's our heads on the next hat!

Kath: -clears throat and sits up, smiling nervously- So, B'Elanna, hi.. that is, if I can call you B'Elanna, B'Elanna?

B'Elanna: -nonchalantly- Sure, whatever. I'm just here for some relief. Too much time -under the warp core seems to have built up a lot of tension. -cracks neck-

Katie & Kath: -whimper-

Kath: -whispers to Katie- You ask the first question.

Katie: -whispers back- I ALWAYS ask the first question!

Kath: -still whispering- Well then stick to tradition!

B'Elanna: Hello? I'm sitting RIGHT here!

Katie & Kath: -uneasily- We know… -looks over at unmoving very muscular men-

Katie: -cautiously reads card- So, Miss Torres, how are you and Tom doing, now that you have a baby in the quarters?

B'Elanna: Oh, we've seen better days. Though Miral is as cute as a bug, I mean, I could just squeeze her until she can't breathe!

Kath: -nervous/hesitant laugh- How.. darling.

Katie: -trying to not cry- Well... do you and Tom sleep through the night without any Klingon calls? -cowers at the small attempt at a joke-

B'Elanna: -laughs lightly- There are the few occasions, but she seems to be sleeping through the night well. She enjoys Harry's CD of clarinet lullabies.

Kath: -loosening up- Interesting. So do you think she'll develop a musical talent, say like Harry?

B'Elanna: God I hope not. I can't stand Harry's music.

Harry: -backstage- -look of hurt-

Katie: Eh.. -tries to avoid Harry's crying that is clearly heard- I've been wondering. When did you forgive Janeway for her decision that stranded you all in the DQ?

Kath: -in thoughts- Mmmm… DQ….

B'Elanna: Along the way, she made some other well judged decisions. I forgave her mostly because she saved my life a lot. We tend to get in those situations easily.

Kath: -aloud, though dazed- Reese's Blizzard…

Katie, B'Elanna & Audience: -blank, questioning stare-

Kath: Uh... -snore-

Katie: That's more like it. Now I can run things like I've always wanted to! From the host's chair! -kicks Kath out of her seat- -Kath falls limp on top of VMM pile- -Katie sits in Kath's seat- Wow, as satisfying as I thought this would feel... I feel strangely empty.

-collective sympathy 'Aww...'-

Katie: -strangely looks at audience- Since when do you care how we feel?

Man in Audience: Ever since we heard BLT here is going to whoop some ass.

B'Elanna: -cracks knuckles- Whose ass? Your ass? –points to Katie-

Katie: NO! -grabs pet donkey and holds it closely-

B'Elanna: Oh I'm just kidding. You're not paying me to be here, so I wouldn't want to kill anyone underpaid.

Katie: -nervous laugh- Right... -kicks Kath- Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up-

Kath: B'ELANNA TORRES!!

B'Elanna: .. Yes?

Kath: AHHH!!

Katie: Never mind, I was doing better without your "help".

Kath: -snore-

B'Elanna: Is it always so.. odd around here?

Katie: Boy is it ever! Anyways, back to the questions.

B'Elanna: How many more are there?

Katie: As many as I want.

Kath: Only two. -snore-

Katie: ... okay, so no one gave us any questions for you, big deal.

B'Elanna: What? WHAT?

Katie: Blame the viewers, not us.

Kath: Actually, just blame Katie.

Katie: -through gritted teeth- NOT. HELPING.

Kath: -snore-

Katie: Okay, question..

Kath: NARF!

Katie: WHEN DID.. you first realize Tom was 'the one'?

B'Elanna: Well after I told him I loved him, and we almost died in space together... I'd say we had a special bond.

Kath: Well you didn't have baby lizard beings with him, DID you now?

Katie: When did you wake up?

B'Elanna: Hey, it was flyboy's idea to kidnap the Captain for that experiment ordeal. I just.. was busy in Engineering.

Kath: Yeah, aren't we all?

Katie: .. Actually.. no.. we aren't...

Kath: Oh, yeah, the other question. The last question.

Katie: Why are you rushing things? Don't we need a few lines of us getting off topic?

Kath: Everyone in the Maquis had a cause. You seemed to have joined for no reason really, and I was curious as to why you would join a blood-thirsty Cardassian war where you obliterated millions of angry alien men?

B'Elanna: ....

Kath: You're right. That is kind of obvious.

Katie: Well it could have been a great dental plan that kept her going.

Kath: Do mongrels need braces?

B'Elanna: WHAT DID YOU SAY?

Kath: Sorry dear, I wasn't speaking to you.

B'Elanna: Bring it!!

Janeway: It's already been brought!

Katie: -screech- I'm out of here, this is going to get nasty.

Kath: Aww, come on, 'fraidy waidy cat!

Katie: -high tails it out of there-

Kath: Well fine! This will be MY show then! -falls limp onto the floor as Janeway and Torres start wrestling in a random nearby mud pit that seems to fit the scene- -snores-

-----------------------------------

Next time it's Paris! Tom that is!

Tom: -making out with B'Elanna-

Okay... hopefully... okay, ew get a room you two. ... Seriously, get out of my tree house.. studio..


	4. Chapter Four: Tommy!

Katie: -taps foot impatiently- Where is Kath?

Big Muscular Man #3: -shrug-

BMM #1: -shrug-

Katie: -sigh-

Audience Man #1: Ah, come on! Start the show already!

Audience Woman #1: Yeah! We've got places to be!

AW #2: People to meet!

AM #2: Laws to break!

-Awkward silence-

AM #2: I mean... uhh... -pulls Kath out from under his overcoat- Fine! Here!

Kath: -spits out sock- You. Are. Pure. Evil.

Katie: Okay, ew...

Kath: -hurries onto stage- Anywho... let's introduce today's guest, Kate.

Katie: Does it not bother you in the slightest that he tried to kidnap you under his overcoat?

Kath: Meh, it happens. But onward, today's guest is Lieutenant/Ensign/Lieutenant Thomas Eugene Paris. The only one of the Voyager crew to have a full name to make fun of!

-BMM drag Paris out-

Katie: Uh... why are the Eiffel Tower and a bunch of people in berets here all of a sudden?

Kath: Other Paris, you twits!

Whole city of Paris: Oui!

Kath: Indeed.

-BMM groan and proceed to drag out the correct Paris. Tom Paris that is-

Paris: Ah, come on, where's my B'Elanna?

Katie: -shaking finger- Nu, uh, uh! Not until we get some questions answered!

Kath: Darn tootin'!

Audience: -blank stare-

Kath: Uh... sorry... -hides Bonanza tapes-

Katie: Anyways... a few questions, right. Well. One from an avid reviewer, and the rest from us.

Kath: We don't get many questions. That's why we're going to have to bring you back in the future for another interview, along with everyone else so we get round 2 of things. Maybe they'll understand before then and ask something for the rest of the crew.

Paris: Ah, so who's left on the list of guests?

Katie: Tuvok, Seven, the Doc, Naomi, Chell... ummmm... Neelix... a few random asteroids...

Harry –backstage- : -whines-

Kath: I have this strange feeling that we're forgetting someone...

Harry: -plays loud, squeaky notes on the clarinet-

Katie: -tosses random flame thrower behind curtains- Funny, same here.

Harry: -screams-

Paris: Well it sounds like you got everyone. Now let's get started, I have to fly to the Alpha Quadrant and all that good stuff.

Katie: Can't you just put it on autopilot for a straight and narrow path there?

Paris: Is that one of your questions?

Katie: ... Yes.

Paris: Because there's stuff out there that disrupt a straight path. Aliens, planets, moons, asteroids, anomalies, and such.

Kath: You're a major prankster on the ship, no?

Paris: I tend to get myself in troubling situations that relay humorous results.

Kath: A simple yes will do, thank you very freaking really much.

Katie: Um... you okay?

Kath: I WAS ALMOST KIDNAPPED AND YOU DIDN'T NOTICE THE FACT THAT A KATH-SHAPED BULGE WAS STICKING OUT OF THAT MANS COAT!

Katie: But you said-

Kath: Since when do you all of a sudden listen to my babblings?

Katie: What?

Kath: Exactly!

Paris: Is this a bad time... cause I could-

K & K: YOU STAY!

Paris: Right, of course. Wasn't even thinking of leaving... -sighs-

Katie: Just go to your happy place for a second, and then come back to reality with us, okay?

Kath: FINE! –marches off set-

Katie: Well... I didn't mean it literally. But... the show must go on!

Audience: -silent-

Katie: Thanks for the loving support guys. So... here's the question from CaptainKJ: _Haven't you loved someone besides B'Elanna before?_

Paris: Well yeah.

Katie: Oh. Well... that kinda does answer it. I'll take it a step further. Have you loved someone else other than B'Elanna on Voyager?

Paris: Well yeah.

Katie: Oh. Umm... like.. who?

Paris: A few night shift pilots, a couple engineers, Seven, Janeway, a few states and nations of girls in general, and... and twins!!

Katie: Wow, saw that cheesiness coming.

Kath: EW, you liked Janeway?

Janeway –backstage- : Is that Katie girl bad-mouthing me again??? LEMME AT HER!

Katie: Okay, two things. A, when did you get back, and B, who the heck is supervising the Janeway pen??

Kath: Um, I never really left. Just sat in the audience for a while. And Janeway pen duty was assigned to ... -takes out clipboard- umm... Big Muscular Man #2.

Katie: I haven't seen him all day.

Paris: Do you just keep us backstage after you interview us, occasionally feeding and watering us so that we'll answer your questions in order to get out, but this is never fulfilled since you only give out false promises?

Kath: Why would we feed and water you? You're from the future, you can get that your own way.

Paris: Like what?

Katie: Don't you have those little ration packs?

Paris: Like on the shuttles and the ship, but no like in our pockets.

K & K: OoooOOOooo... crap.

Kath: -whistles- Hey, you! BMM # 47! Go feed and water those nasty people!

Janeway, Chakotay, B'Elanna: -terrifying war monger growl/scream-

BMM #47: Two words. Hell. No.

Katie: Aw, come on, we're busy. –looks around- Hey, where'd he go?

Kath: -eating a sandwich- Who?

Katie: Tom, you dunce!

Kath: -mouth full- Tum whoed?

Katie: Thomas Eugene Paris, you twit!

Whole city of Paris: Oui!

Kath: Oui, oui!

Whole city of Paris: -cheers-

Katie: What did you say?

Kath: Not a friggin' clue.

Katie: Well... we're out of time... this is kinda of a cliffhanger episode I guess, since Paris ran off.

Whole city of Paris: We did not! Hawn, hawn! We are not of the cowardly nature!!

Kath: Yeah, they're right there Kate. What are you talking about?

Katie: Thomas EUGENE Paris!

Kath: Oh... right... I doubt it's the last we've seen of him...

* * *

Okay, so not my best work, but I wanted to give you guys some 'chuckles' and 'pleasant thoughts'. I have the PSAT tomorrow, and I have to go to bed, so meh!

Paris: -laughs darkly from darkness-

OooOooOO, where's Tommy boy?

NEXT TIME: Tuvok!


End file.
